We all come into the world as members of a particular family, and some seem to be
better than others. Some of us are born into loving, supportive families and others
are born into families from hell.
If you come from a family that is abusive, neglectful, ignorant and generally not
what one would like to expect from a family – what do you do?
They are your family, you are supposed to like them, be like them and want to spend
time with them – aren’t you?
Well, actually, no. Your family are people like any other people and like any other
people they come in all versions from amazingly great to sadly disappointing. The
mere fact that you are related to them does not mean you automatically have to
Quite often, as we grow to adulthood, we come to see that members of our family
are just not the people we want to hang out with. They may have completely
different values to us, be abusive, destructive, dangerous or extremely negative.
They may be people we would never have anything to do with if they weren’t related
to us. As adults, we have the right to choose the people we have in our lives and
that choice extends to relatives as well.
Let me just point out here that there is a big difference between liking someone and
loving them. It is possible to love a person but not like them or the things they do.
You may feel a deep love for a parent or a sibling, for example, but find that their
behaviour is negative and destructive to your well being and happiness. You know
the person I’m talking about – the one that gets your blood boiling and sends your
blood pressure through the roof.
If you have this situation in your life, I highly recommend that you make some
changes that are more beneficial to your own health and happiness. There are
several options here:-
(a) If the person is not a danger to you or your loved ones, you can work on yourself
with Life Coaching, so that your history with that person no longer causes you pain
and suffering and you are able to engage with them in a positive way.
(b) If the person is morally, emotionally or physically dangerous to you or to your family,
you can make the decision to remove that person from your life so you can maintain
your own energy and state of mind in the way you prefer.
The choice is yours – the important thing to realise is that there IS a choice. Just
because you are related does not give a person the right to force you to do something
you do not want to do or to put you in any kind of danger. It does not give a person the
right to use guilt and other emotional blackmail to get their own way.
I invite you to examine the relationships you have with various members of your family
and honestly evaluate whether the relationship is a positive, healthy one or whether it
is based on fear, guilt, duty or martyrdom…
Now is the time to change the relationships that are not making a positive contribution
in your life. Remember, you cannot change another person – you can only change